‘Grand’ fathering — once a father, always a father, … and sometimes, all over again

Published 2:00 pm Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Roy St. Julien of Delcambre is called “Poppie” thanks to the four grandchildren living nearby, part of his legacy following three daughters.

“That’s my babies,” St. Julien, 56, said with a big grin about two boys and two girls, Amiyah 10, Malikke 8, Britton 6 and Riley 5. “Once upon a time they thought of moving to Lafayette, but stayed in Delcambre. My wife and I wanted to keep them close by.”

St. Julien said the best part of being a grandfather is doing fun things, playing cards, watching videos like “Madea,” which is a favorite. He just likes having them around. Every now and then they get kind of rowdy, he admitted. Then he has to take part in their discipline.

“You can’t discipline them for everything,” said St. Julien, “My daughter, my wife and me, we all help discipline, but we all have our own method. Sometimes you have to whip and other times you don’t. Sometimes I wanna whip ’em and I don’t.”

Most important for St. Julien is what he taught his children — respect parents, respect others. Don’t do stuff you don’t want others to do to you. It’s really important, he said, having learned that lesson the hard way, he said. Don’t talk back, he said with a chuckle.

“Parents do not like that. Don’t be sassy,” St. Julien said. “Sometimes I feel like when they do that, they’re doing it for attention. (As a grandparent,) you have to stay focused.

“I tell my wife and daughter, they may be kids, but they’re human. They have feelings also. You’ve got to build them up so they realize who they are. Everybody’s got their own way of raising children.”

Respect is a basic, St. Julien said as he mimicked the familiar grumbling that so many young people do. He said even after reprimanding, a parent can still hear the disrespect way across the room with mumbling under breath. His mom could still hear it and would say, “You’re still fussing.”

“I think it’s a lot of fun raising them,” St. Julien beamed. “You have your ups and down, good times and bad, but you gotta be more. Use that firm voice. There’s a place for time-outs and a place for whipping.

“Something I learned from my mom, when my mom reprimanded us, she also came back later, hugged us and explained to us why she did it. A lot of parents don’t, they’ll beat your tail and send you in there and that’s it. When they’re ready for you to get up, you get up, but no ‘Baby, that’s why I did this. I’m sorry. I apologize.’ You gotta learn you can’t do this and you can’t do that.”

PaPaw Barry and His Buddies

Barry “PaPaw Barry” Gudenrath, 51, is of German Irish decent and has three grandchildren. Originally from Omaha, Nebraska, the 25-year veteran of the U.S. Postal Service put in for a transfer to New Iberia when he and his wife, Lyn “Mawlyn” Pritchard Gudenrath, had their first grandchild.

“Gracelyn is the reason we moved here,” Barry Gudenrath said. “We missed watching her grow up. With me, I never had kids, so she was the first child I could call my own.”

Gudenrath met his wife 14 years ago and she already had four children, three boys and a girl. The children were raised in Omaha but grew up visiting Pritchard grandparents, originally from St. Martinville and now in New Iberia. The oldest son, said Gudenrath, continued visiting the area after graduation, more intently after meeting the woman he would marry.

At first when they decided to move, Gudenrath said, they lived with Lyn’s parents while looking for a place of their own. Although an undertaking, the abandoned house at the end of Gracelyn’s street became their home so they could be close to she and younger brother Leyton, 2, who calls her “Sissy.” She’s celebrating her sixth birthday this month at the beach.

Gudenrath’s youngest granddaughter, Mya, is also 2, a month younger than Leyton. She is still back in Omaha and wasn’t born when the Gudenraths moved south.

When asked how he knew what to do as a grandfather, having never been a father, Mawlyn explained he had a lot of cousins and nieces. Gudenrath said, being happy around kids comes natural, but if they fall down or need a diaper change, he calls “Mawlyn” for her to do the dirty work.

Gudenrath said he also had good role models.

“On mom’s side, my grandfather was a sports fan,” said Gudenrath. “He took us to a lot of sporting events including the NCAA Baseball College World Series. He’d take my brother and me every year. I still have the tickets,” said Gudenrath.

One lucky co-worker got the tickets this year since Gudenrath was unable to attend.

“When I was about 26, I started playing golf every Monday and once a month on Saturday with my other grandpa. I got to see him interacting with his friends and know him as a man. He was such a nice guy, never mean, would do anything for anybody,” Gudenrath said.

“Best piece of advice he ever heard was at a Gudenrath Christmas,” he said about his grandfather addressing his father and all in attendance, grandmother was newly diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. “You don’t have to like me, but always take care of your mother.”

Gudenrath said the most important thing to do with and for children is be able to spend time with them. Be positive with them, teach them right from wrong and when the situation arises, not be afraid to say no. Be a positive influence and have fun. He said the children have rules at their home, but when they come to the grandparents, sometimes the rules get a little “bending.”

Gracelyn’s favorite thing to do with PaPaw Barry is play Kitty, which is her imaginary game of building a fort, or “kitty-jail” or house made out of pillows, cushions and blankets.

PaPaw Barry does the manual labor to help with construction and she gives the orders including which way the colorful throws are to be tucked in and cover the top.

Another imaginary game involves the old wall phone with push buttons. Gracelyn dials and they have conversations.

With few toys, they make up games, run and jump, dance and turn cartwheels, play school outside and Kitty inside. As he choked back tears, Gudenrath said he was just thankful he has been allowed to be in their lives and to have them accept him. Then Leyton screamed to show everyone the tower he had made with the Legos. Keeps you young playing with them, he said.

“They’re just good kids,” said Gudenrath. “It’s easy to be grandpa to them.”

Life’s Not Always Easy

Lois and Jimmy “Poppy” Poisso, 58, have two children, Jennifer and James III. James and his young family were transferred to Germany with half of the grandchildren. James IV is 3 and Rhiannon is 7.

Poisso said it’s wonderful to see the world through their eyes. They’re living a vacation, he said. By spending time through Facebook, video phone and Skype, they can share things and don’t have to miss out on their adventures.

Formerly from Winnfield, now residents of New Iberia for more than 11 years, Poisso and his wife share the parenting duties with their daughter who lives nearby and is the custodial parent during a time of separation.

“We help because of work schedules and other things. They want to be here, they have their own rooms. Sometimes we pick them up after school, do homework. We help them with keeping things focused. That’s the hard part,” said Poisso, “trying to shield them from everything that happens when parents are going through a divorce.”

As grandparents, he said, it’s difficult to keep things neutral for them and to keep the girls out of the middle.

“If it wasn’t for faith, groundedness in the church, friends, Stephens ministry, Cursillo, all the things we do, it would be tough,” Poisso said with agreement from Lois. “Even with faith, sometimes it’s hard to put on that positive face for the girls.”

Haley, 9, and Madison, 5, have been going to church since Madison was less than a week old, Poisso said. Both have been going since they were born and like church, vacation Bible school and Sunday school. They hand out bulletins at the door and Haley’s an acolyte now. He said, Haley’s more behaved and focused when she is being an acolyte.

“We take them places, like to zoos, and we took them to St. Louis to see their cousins before they moved to Germany,” Poisso said. The girls have also taken to fishing and crabbing at a friend’s houseboat on the Delcambre canal, he said.

“We’re teaching them with everything we do, someone’s watching you,” he said. “In spite of everything we might do wrong, even at our worst, God still loves us. That’s a deep issue with us. Life’s hard, even when everything’s going right. It’s not always about what they want, they have to learn to share.

“When we go to nursing homes or the veteran’s home, all they want to do is help,” Poisso said. “We expose them to these things to show them how to be that helper kid, let them know Jesus is real. No matter what, they are loved. They have church family that love them, miss them, want to see them and care about them.”

“It’s hard to be a grandfather and the person who has to tell them to get their homework, take a bath, be the disciplinarian,” Poisso said.

“You have to wonder what to do and how to balance things. We have more experience now and maybe we’re more grounded with the grandkids than we were with our children.”

The stark reality, Poisso said solemnly, is that they’re not going to be here long. The kids grew up quickly, so it is best to slow down and play with the grandchildren a little bit. Read the book you’ve read four or 40 times, kick the ball, ride the bicycle, let them ride on the mower, he said.

“There’s a lot of things that we’re healthy and agile enough to do with the little kids,” Poisso admitted gratefully. “I never thought years ago I’d be so active.”

Poisso said they try to do all they can, while they can. Sometimes they just get up and ride. They might go to Avery Island, visit Lake Fausse Point, walk the trails. The girls especially like all the birds and alligators at the Lacassine National Wildlife Refuge.

Madison loves to tinker or ride the mower with Poppy, anything outdoors. Haley is a reader and loves to play indoors. He said they also are learning to respect the flag, respect the country and respect authority.

“Fortunately, we gave our two kids opportunities,” said Poisso. “We’re doing the same thing with the grandkids.”

Isn’t it funny how grandparents don’t age? Children do, but thinking back, whether they’re still alive or not, didn’t your grandparents stay the same age?

Wishing you and yours a wonderful, fun-filled, loving, respectful and happy Father’s Day.