It was about 4 a.m. Wednesday that I was rudely awakened.

“Hey? What do you think you’re doing?”

It was a cop. He nudged me with his nightstick, flipping the blanket away from my face.

I was curled in a fetal position in the doorway to the Apple Store. Been there since midnight.

“The new iPhone came out a long time ago, pal,” is what he said.

I shook the sleep from my eyes and told him I wasn’t waiting for the new phones.

I wanted to be the first in line for the new emojis, including one that I would have gladly used on the police officer who just awakened me from my smiley-face dreams.

“Uh, do you need an ambulance?” the officer asked. “I mean, are you OK? Did you hit your head?”

I gave him an angry red face snarl and asked him what he meant.

“They don’t sell emojis here, you idiot. You have to download them or something. Go home and take those empty beer cans with you.”

I rustled up my gear and headed to my car, wondering what he was talking about.

It was only later that I learned that the new set of emojis was, indeed, available by a simple download, which I have no idea how to accomplish.

I have had an iPhone for about a year now, one with a broken screen and apparently a limited storage capacity.

It wasn’t until a few months ago that I discovered that I could actually use emojis in my text messages.

It was only a few months ago that I actually discovered what, exactly, an emoji is. Or does.

Being old, I grumbled.

“Bad enough everyone texts everything. Now I have decipher these stupid little emojis. I won’t do it.”

Well, I discovered, emojis can be quite useful and even funny.

I hate LOL-ing and won’t do it. I will, however, use the laughing-so-hard-I’m-crying emoji. Usually when I want someone to know that what I just texted was funny as all get out and that I’m just a funny person.

I wish they had one that translates to laughing-so-hard-I’m-wetting-my-pants.

I looked. The new ones don’t include that.

They do, however, include the aforementioned “middle finger” emoji that I wanted to aim at some of my friends.

And, of course, there is controversy.

From parents.

“I don’t want my child to be able to use that. Do you know what the middle finger means?”

Yes, some “adults” are complaining.

Forget that you bought your 12-year-old son a $1,200 phone that gives him instant and unfettered access to 14 billion adult sites. Forget that fact that you bought your 7-year-old a $1,200 phone that she already has dropped in the toilet six times and threw across the room in a hissy fit.

No. Just complain about a cartoonish middle finger emoji because it will harm your child and they may use it for evil.

I, for one, have decided to embrace the emoji, as I have reluctantly decided to accept new technology.

I still have a deep, deep desire to see the end of all things electronic but since that hasn’t happened, I realized I need to turn on and tune in. Or something like that.

So I occasionally emoji people.

And though I really wasn’t excited about the unveiling of the new emojis, I will use them, if they fit my needs.

Especially the dancing poop heads.

Now that is LOL funny. 🙂

(Scott DeSmit is a general assignment reporter whose column runs every Sunday. Contact him at desmitmail@yahoo.com.)