Letter: My free advice to help Harris become President

Published 10:31 am Tuesday, January 17, 2023

By A letter to the editor

With Joe Biden keeping everyone ‘holding our breath’ for his decision to run (but without Ms H. as his running mate?) in ’24, it stands to reason she MUST create a new image of herself.

My copy of WEBSTER clearly defines the word ‘horizontal’ as: “the position a Vice President assumes when he/she/it cannot stand on their own two feet.” A real world example of such is found today in the person now known as ‘HORROR-ZONTAL HARRIS’, an entity that seems fixated on proving the accuracy of that definition. As gamblers might say. “Right on the money!”

And since the V.P. position puts the holder of same into the dangerously close situation of becoming the President, I offer the following suggestions:

1. Study VERTICALITY in order to better utilize your shoe collection. Afterall, these are objects specifically designed and manufactured for the task of Standing On Your Own Two Feet.

2. Ask your doctor to prescribe the new wonder drug ANTI-GIGGLE-ZEPAM. It has been known to help overcome the urge to giggle, both when appropriate and when not.

3. Check for airline package deals for SOUTHERN BORDER TOURS in order to experience first hand the ongoing situation that you have been assigned to and have pledged to ‘faithfully and to your best ability’ carry out.

4. To add a truly unique approach to you problems, you might actually reach out to the ‘other’ side and listen to what they say (some may be valid). You DO NOT have to give anyone credit if you flip-flop on an issue, Joe has not in his recent positional switches, why should you?

More free advice:

1. RESIGN now and avoid the embarrassment of being rejected by your own party in ’24.

2. (Or) stop dressing like Hillary and those important Chinese Women leaders so the voters won’t get all confused. Other female leaders wear dresses and so do a lot of men.

3. Attend a FROWNING SEMINAR and you can look more ‘natural’ when the occasion calls for a frown.

4. Quit singing about Yellow Buses.

I trust you take my words as I intended them; ‘Constructive Criticism’ from a true friend and patriot who only wants the BEST for his beloved country … any other interpretation would be false and surely something worthy of being giggled at.

RICHARD PHILLIPS

New Iberia

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