Dear Annie: I’m 67 years old, and I’ve been married for over 40 years. My marriage has never been particularly happy. Even in the beginning, I felt pressured to get married. We now have two adult children, one 46 and the other 37.

I met a woman online, and we’ve been chatting and talking for over two years now. I really like her; she’s a little immature but seems fun to be around. She is also quite a bit younger than me; she’s going to be 30 in December. I’ve told her many times I’m too old for her, but she starts to cry and insists that she does not care. We have never met, but we have discussed meeting next month.

What do you think I should do? Should I see where this goes, or am I making a huge mistake? I really want out of my marriage, but I don’t want to lose my family either. This decision is very hard for me. I really care for her, and I’m falling in love. She has told me she feels the same way. I’m so confused. — Unhappy for a Long Time

Dear Unhappy: First and foremost, I must caution you against the internet bots, scammers and catfishers that are out there. This situation immediately raises multiple red flags, and it is imperative that you do not share any personal information with this woman. You can never trust that someone is who they say they are when you meet them on the internet.

Now, on to your question. It sounds like you have completely given up on your marriage — if you were ever invested in the first place. This is your wife and the mother of your children. Take the energy that you are putting into your online romance and channel it toward making things work with your wife. Start going to couples therapy. Plan a date night for the two of you. Your real life takes priority over your fake internet life, and you need to give it the attention it deserves before you give up on it. The grass is greener where you water it.

Dear Annie: For 25 years, I thought my husband was blurting out inappropriate things too often in conversations. He was somewhat like his mother, who once said to me, “You look like you are going to cry,” as I fiercely attempted to retain my composure. Little did I realize that their “faux pas” blurts were attempts to read emotions uninterpretable to them.

After my husband’s sister had a wonderful, creative and happy autistic son, I found a college textbook on adult Asperger’s at a yard sale and my eyes were opened. It explained to me that we were both failing to see the other’s emotional point of view. “Sad Wife’s” husband, who often blurts out offensive things, might be on the spectrum, too.

By the way, we will celebrate 50 years of marriage in November. My husband still blurts occasionally, but now I realize he wouldn’t have even thought about holding back if I hadn’t taught him what is “nice” or “appropriate.” — Understanding Asperger’s

Dear Understanding: Thank you for your letter. You bring up a great point about why “Sad Wife’s” husband might blurt out inappropriate or offensive comments. Although I do think your mother-in-law saying you look like you are going to cry, even if she doesn’t understand social etiquette, is a bit cruel. Glad that you now have an understanding as to why your husband and mother-in-law can act so brash.

Dear Annie: I am seeking advice on a very important and personal matter: my future marriage.

I am a 30-year-old female who has dated my partner for seven years. We have lived together for two of those years. He embodies so many qualities I admire, and I feel a deep love for him within my soul. I know our future is going to work out because we have similar goals, values, a plan for marriage and ideas about where we want to live. Knowing this brings me a sense of security and safety.

I am writing because I feel an overwhelming loneliness inside. On a day-to-day basis, I feel we lack emotional intimacy, despite my efforts to cultivate it. We rarely spend time together; his priorities are his career and his circle of friends. I have had heart-to-heart talks with him about this and receive empathy in the moment, but there have been no actionable changes. Ultimately, I don’t feel like a cherished priority.

I’m having trouble discerning if this is normal as relationships evolve over time? Or if we fundamentally have differences in the closeness we desire from a partner. — Lonely in Love

Dear Lonely in Love: I am sorry that you are feeling a loneliness inside. It certainly could be due to you feeling like your boyfriend puts his career and circle of friends ahead of you, but it could also be an old childhood wound that needs tending to. I would suggest the help of a therapist to get you out of the feelings of loneliness.

When you’ve had your heart-to-heart talks with your partner, have you told him exactly how you feel? That you would like more time spent together and more intimacy? It could be that you are different in your fundamental closeness and it might not work, but you have to have the conversation first so that he knows how you’re feeling.

 

Dear Annie: I’m a widow who’s been dating a wonderful guy who treats me very well. He respects me 100%. He’s in his 50s and has always been single. He’s never been married. We’ve been seeing each other for 17 months now. The relationship is great, and our chemistry is perfect. But he doesn’t want to take it any further — no marriage, or I’d even settle for being engaged forever.

I would like to see him take one more step. He always tells me how much he loves me, and I feel the same way about him, but I’m tired of being his girlfriend and nothing more. What do you suggest? — Waiting for the Commitment Ring

Dear Waiting: If you want to make your relationship work for the long haul, one of you has to be willing to compromise. Have an open, honest conversation with your boyfriend about your future and what you are and aren’t willing to budge on. If you know he cares for and is loyal to you, does it really matter whether you have a ring and a wedding to solidify it? On the other hand, if he knows he loves you and sees a serious future together, what’s the harm in taking that next step?

Ultimately, if you two are unable to land on a solution you’re both happy with, this may not be the long-term relationship for either of you.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com