JEALOUS: adj.; Envious or resentful of the good fortune or achievements of another. Fearful of losing one’s position to someone else.

With apparently far, far too much time on my hands (so I’ve been told many times), I find myself speaking with a whole lot of people on a daily basis. One recent encounter involved an 8 year old tyke named Joey Bidet and the conversation went something like this:

He stated he was undergoing bouts of jealousy due to a few events he experienced over the few years since his birth.

The first one that he could recall was the birth of his sister Nanny Pillow Bidet who literally shoved him out of his ‘only child’ status and the benefits that came with that. She actually tore up his Birth Certificate while he was making a statement.

Nanny was now the ‘cute’ one’ also known as ‘that sweet young thing’ to one and all. On top of that and even worse for Joey was that she smelled much better due to her daily talcum powder baths…especially to people who sniffed her hair. Her ‘sniffability’ combined with Joey’s natural small boy odor led to a lifetime obsession with sniffing children’s hair, especially girls hairdos. It was his way of dealing with his jealousy.

Joey then opened up quite freely about his other jealousies. He envied those who could actually respect the authority of others and follow the tried and true conventions and laws of the land. One particular classmate, little Robert Johns, had been selected and confirmed (by the student body) as the ‘Supreme Judge of the Schoolyard Playground’. His decisions were to be deemed FINAL.

Yet, due to Joey’s rampant jealously, Joey sought out every opportunity to go around ‘the rules of the game’ in order to get HIS wishes. His natural jealousy driving him once again.

He is jealous of the power of Russian born Valley Pinkton, a second grader who can lead with a right cross and knock out (off?) his opponents. Joey has tried to do the same, but it seems that his friends are starting to ‘jump ship’ over his behavior. Joey ignores their pleas to stop blaming others all the time and to stop attacking them all the time and get along with that kid named Bibieroni. It seems like Bibieroni stands up for his beliefs and ignores Joey’s calls to ‘STOP IT ALREADY!’. Joey appears to be very jealous of Bibieroni.

This might seem a bit weird, but Joey really likes the little red-headed girl in the first grade class of Miss Jilly. The wide age gap (Joey is a third grader) is of no consequence to him since his role model, Ruppy, a rich upperclassman, has his eye on a Kindergartener named Correennee. Since their age gap is greater, that makes Joey all the more jealous…he is no longer known as the ‘cradle-robber dude’.

Joey is jealous of the kids who got their school debts forgiven because he wasn’t included. His parents went into private debt for him and didn’t qualify. That was totally unfair to Joey’s was of thinking.

Up-coming this Fall is the schoolwide elections for the President and most of the student congress.

Joey is most definitely jealous of Djohnny Sump-Pump who is way more popular than he is. Joey does not want to vacate his soft-earned position that he gained from the disputed election. His jealousy has created a big Bruhaha these days but it is NOT Joey’s fault

I know that I should feel some sympathy, some compassion…even empathy toward Joey…given his age and all he’s gone thru, but somehow I just cannot seem to muster up any.

Richard Phillips

New Iberia