Every 13 hours, approximately, one person dies by suicide

Suicide is the 11th-leading cause of death in Louisiana, the third-leading cause for ages 15 to 34, fourth for ages 10 to 14 and 35-54. Yet, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s Louisiana 2016 Facts and Figures, there are no state funds dedicated to suicide prevention.

Fortunately state law, the Jason Flatt Act, requires all public school teachers, counselors, principals and other school administrators to annually participate in at least two of their six hours of in-service or continuing education to be in suicide prevention.

One Teche Area couple fully embrace the subject of suicide and are eager to talk about it.

Family Illness

In four generations, Cynthia Elmer has had 10 suicides in her family. Regardless of what others may say, Willie Elmer believes there is a inherited connection associated with the disease and it can be broken —physical, habitual, emotional or environmental.

Willie and Cynthia Elmer lost their 33-year-old son, Kevin, to suicide 12 years ago. Ten years ago she decided to do something to help others who have survived the loss of a loved one and coordinated the first Out of the Darkness walk in Louisiana. This year six community walks will be held in the fall and the first campus walks were at Nicholls State University and Louisiana State University in Alexandria.

“My daughter, Gretchen was living in Austin when our son died. She found support from the Out of the Darkness walk and said we should have one here,” Cynthia Elmer said.

The Elmer’s didn’t wait until news of the walks, they sought answers right away.

“We started going to a support group within three weeks of when he died,” Willie Elmer said. “It’s a good thing we did. We’re getting ready to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary and had we not, we wouldn’t be. I didn’t know how she needed to suffer and mourn. My job is to fix things. I couldn’t fix this.”

“I couldn’t cry in front of him,” Cynthia Elmer said.

There is Hope

The Elmers saw they weren’t the only ones to be affected. The program’s outlined steps helped them recognize what they were going through.

“After about a year, I stopped going because the issues I needed to deal with had been dealt with,” Willie Elmer said.

He wanted to move on and remember the good things about his son, not the end of his life. Cynthia Elmer, on the other hand, found a new purpose for her life. He supports her in every way but lets her set the pace.

When she started the Out of the Darkness walks, Cynthia Elmer found a way of dealing with her loss. In addition, she established the first Louisiana Chapter of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, the 70th of the national organization. She recently received recognition as the Outstanding New Chapter of the Year.

AFSP pays to train support group facilitators, but the groups are made up of survivors of suicide. They follow the established regiment, but each group is autonomous and responsible for their own participants. Half the money earned through Out of Darkness walks stays locally and is how Cynthia Elmer has helped pay for leaders to be professionally trained.

She also was responsible for sending out DVD copies of “More than Sad” to approximately 60 middle and senior high schools throughout Acadiana.

“This year, we will have our first ever Louisiana advocacy day at the State Capitol on May 24,” Cynthia Elmer said. “I’ve suffered from depression myself. Two-and-a-half years after my son died, I had a breakdown and stayed out of work four-and-a-half months. I went right to work and made sure everyone else was fine, typical mother.”

“She was blissful and everyone around her could see she was going down, but she couldn’t see it,” Willie Elmer said. “I kept seeing it and telling her, but she thought I was just being critical. Finally when her workers and supervisors said her work was failing, she finally realized something was going on. Fortunately we were able to get help.”

Cynthia Elmer said when someone is suicidal and depressed, they are in a tunnel and there is no light at the end. The person just can’t see it.

There are warning signs like not feeling like yourself, feeling agitated, withdrawn, stop caring for yourself and feeling hopeless.

The Stigma of Suicide

When Catherine Wattigny contacted Cynthia Elmer about being part of the Mental Health Initiative, she said, “I’m someone with lived experience.” She is part of the community conversation about mental illness, especially concerning suicide.

The first time she thought of asking someone if they were thinking of suicide, Cynthia Elmer admitted thinking, “that’s giving them the idea.” Instead she came to realize it gives them a way out. It lets them know someone is concerned. Help can be found.

“AFSP’s goal is to decrease the suicide rate by 25 percent by the year 2025,” Cynthia Elmer said.

SafeTALK, training for trainers, is only one of the many conferences Cynthia Elmer has attended to be ready to talk with schools, law enforcement, hospitals and medical personnel about suicide prevention.

According to one of the safeTALK websites, “Most people with thoughts of suicide don’t truly want to die, but are struggling with the pain in their lives.”

One of the bills Cynthia Elmer worked on in Washington D.C. was the violent death reporting system. All the information about cancer goes through the CDC, but not for suicide. Sometimes deaths are results of murder/suicide or the family doesn’t want to admit it was suicide because of the stigma attached. Louisiana is not getting the funding for the National Violent Death Reporting, she said.

A big goal for Cynthia Elmer and one of the reasons why it is so important for people to be talking about mental health, is to achieve parity in their insurance — equality of treatment options.

“If I break my leg, I can go to the doctor and he can fix it. But if I have a mental breakdown, where can I go and will my insurance cover it? If they go to a facility they only have (a certain number) of days and they’re not cured but they have to get out because of insurance. That’s what I’m hoping for. Parity – like going to the doctor for a cold, or illness, that I can go as many times as needed for mental illness.”

Pills — No Easy Answer

Giving a patient a pill for mental illness is not always the answer. It might be for some conditions, but too easily they are the simple treatment, Cynthia Elmer said. There is no followup and may not make a difference for up to two months, and then, is it the right pill?

“I was on more than one pill at a time because of my mental instability and you have to keep working at it,” she said. “There’s no magical pill.”

Another issue is when someone is arrested for acting out, and a family member knows they are suicidal, all the enforcers can do is ask if he is and if the answer is ‘no,’ that’s all they can do. There is no program in place to assist them, Willie Elmer said.

“These are the kind of things that need to be fixed,” Cynthia Elmer said. “Some avenues for help are available, but often people don’t know where to go.”

Somebody Knew

A nephew of Cynthia Elmer also committed suicide less than two years after her son. Like Kevin, every day concerned friends and family were at the hospital. The nephew had at times as many as 100 fellow students hanging around.

“Somebody knew what they were planning, but the kids don’t want to rat on a friend,” Willie Elmer said. “I want them to know, if you save your friend’s life, it’s not wrong to tell somebody there’s a problem.”

The difference is getting them to talk, Cynthia Elmer said. Take them serious. They need someone’s help. Confront them by asking if they’re thinking of hurting themselves or committing suicide. Do they have a plan? If so, stay with them. Remove all obvious avenues for them to carry out their threats, she said.

“The public needs to know suicide is preventable,” she said. “If his friends had been able to recognize the signs, they might have been able to help.”

“If we had known then what we know now, Kevin might still be alive,” Willie Elmer said.

For immediate help call Cynthia Elmer at 364-2408 or 380-7735. National hotline (800) 273-TALK. To learn more visit SAMHSA.gov and join the Mental Health Initiative conversation from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. Tuesday at Iberia Medical Center, main floor Classrooms A and B.